And Now For Something Completely Different

Britons, Citizens of the Empire & Commonwealth; Rally to the flag! Once more our nation and the nations which we founded and nurtured until they were snatched away are in mortal peril. Great Britain faces total amalgamation with the European Juggernaut, Canada is doomed to be totally reliant trade-wise with the tyrannical United States of America, Australia is in danger of becoming an undemocratic Republic, New Zealand is under threat from an army of sheep, India and Pakistan are going to nuke one another into oblivion and the whole of former Greater British Africa wallows in self-maintained idiocy. What are we to do? The United States, under the leadership of the miscreant Bush, has brought about a modicum of peace, but at what cost? An Iraq which hasn't been so full of trouble since the glorious liberation of it in the First World War. An Afghanistan which survives on the full-scale farming of Opium. A Free World which lives in total fear of the enemy within and without. Is this the kind of World in which we want to live? Why is it we could conquer and subdue Germany, Japan and Italy and not be able to do the same to Iraq? Obviously, U.S. leadership is to blame, where the balance of power is so weighted in their favour that another extreme, the international terrorist, must exist to counteract this. We of the Greater British English-Speaking Peoples must say NO to the American hegemon. It was American short-sightedness which led to the failure of the League of Nations, the total end of the Greater British Empire, the Cold War and the rise of the Taleban and Al Qaeda and the terror in which we now live. With our backs to the wall, we Britons and the peoples whom we raised from the primordial muck must stand shoulder to shoulder, ranks closed and deal with terrorism once and for all. We need a leader who is a cut above the rest, one who is willing to make bold decisions for the Greater good of Britain, the Commonwealth. Brethren of the Empire, join with us in selecting a man who takes no crap, delivers his insightful observations with dry wit and calls journalists as a body "scum". I present to you, His Royal Highness Prince Phillip, the Duke of Edinburgh. Seeing as Britain, unlike nearly every other member of the Commonwealth, has no formal Constitution, I propose that Parliament introduce a Bill which will create the position of Grand President of the Empire, which would give the holder unparallelled powers and total control over the Grand Armies of the Empire. Strong men are needed for dangerous times, and a proven combat veteran with the wisdom of ages is just the man we need. All Hail Prince Philip!

This was a party political broadcast for the Democratic Party